One Program, Many Pathways

I was asked to participate on a panel, One Program, Many Pathways, at the recent Spring Conference. There is one program in AA, the program of recovery set out in the 12 steps. My particular pathway through this program is a secular one.

In telling people that I attend the secular meetings here in Ottawa, some react by saying, "Secular? Aren't those the meetings that trash God?" No. Severe misinformation happening there. I think the best way to explain the secular approach in AA is to quote the secular statement that's read at the beginning of a group's meeting:

We do not endorse nor oppose any form of religion or atheism. Our only wish is to assure alcoholics that they can find sobriety in AA without having to accept anyone else's beliefs or having to deny their own.

There are people attending secular meetings who hold religious beliefs and there are people who have none. In those meetings I'm not sure what anyone's convictions are. We don't discuss it. Our discussions focus on recovery.

Secular AA meetings weren't available when I arrived at AA in 1988. The Royal Ottawa outpatient program hauled me off to an AA meeting where I heard my first AA speaker and saw the 12 Steps and Traditions posted on the walls along with the slogans. Their references to God didn't shock me.

I had been brought up going to church on Sundays, singing in the choir. I also taught Sunday School. I enjoyed the bible stories. The parables illustrated living as a decent human being. It seemed to me that God was an idea, a guiding light for living right.

However, in listening to others in meetings, I learned that many regarded God as a living entity with whom they had a deeply personal relationship that guided them in their sobriety. I had never asked myself what I actually believed.

When I expressed my doubts, I was told, "You gotta get God or die." I tried, I didn't argue. I heard both "Fake it 'til you make it" and "rigorous honesty". In truth, I found I didn't believe and didn't seem to be able to force myself into it.

I asked my sponsor what to do. She said, "Don't worry about it. God will happen. Just don't drink, go to meetings and continue to work the steps." I had about a year's sobriety at that point and agreed to keep on doing as she said.

I worked through the steps, learning from them how to become a decent, sober human being. I became involved in AA service - District tables, Intergroup, service committees, Alkathons, the Vanier Round-up, and service positions at my home groups.

The service where I learned the most was sponsoring. My own sponsor has been so important to me and I try to pass her wisdom on to others. I was in the heart of AA - yet, I felt like an outsider, who didn't belong.

I sat with that feeling and knew it was wrong because the program told me so. None of its criteria excluded me. The program assured me:

• The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
• This is a program of action, not a program of beliefs.
• We share our experience, strength and hope. My experience is valid, too.
• Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

I could put a check at each of these. And yet ...

When I heard that a secular AA meeting had started at the Sandy Hill Community Centre, I knew I had to check it out. That was over 10 years ago.

Now, besides that Tuesday meeting at the Sandy Hill Community Centre, there is a Thursday evening meeting at the Hintonburg Community Centre, an Ottawa-based online Zoom meeting, and a Sunday women's group at the Hintonburg Community Centre.

There is also worldwidesecularmeetings.com where I can find a meeting at any time of the day. I have found my people. There is one AA program of recovery, the 12 steps, with many pathways through them. The secular one is mine.